Say Lolo

My father is for sure Paloma's favorite person. She responds to his voice, smell, and presence like no other. I was holding Paloma yesterday  morning, my father playing and talking to her turned to me and very innocently asked, “So when will she start talking?” I paused and responded, “Well, she might never talk. She could be non-verbal her whole life. We just don’t know.” And he just had this “Oh” expression on his face and went back to talking to her, encouraging her to “Say Lolo” (grandfather in Tagalog).  Then I gave Paloma to him to hold so I could gather my things (and myself) before rushing to another doctor’s appointment.

As soon as Pal and I got home, I began to cry, thinking about that very simple and very innocent question from this morning. My dad, bless him, did not mean any harm at all. But simply processing the questions was a reality check for me. I guess I've been on cruise control for months. Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I've cried thinking about Pal and her future. Alan said that hearing the question brings him back to the first few weeks post-diagnosis. We don't forget what that was like, but we are so busy that we often don't have time to sit in that state of mind. I wear many hats in our family, but the "special needs mom hat" is particularly hard to wear this week.

I am human. I scroll through my social media feeds and see typical children who are the around the same age as Paloma and they are walking, talking, eating, and living normal lives. Sometimes, I have these fleeting thoughts of jealousy and envy of parents who don’t live our life. Thankfully, I don’t dwell on those thoughts too long. It's the wrong place to be to find God's love in Pal's life. And when these moments happen, I look at Paloma and see someone so beautiful and so loved and so perfect, exactly how God made her, exactly how God made all of us. We are perfect in His image, and our little love dove is my daily reminder of that.

Please say a prayer for my heart today!

Update on Paloma:
She is 20 pounds and growing! That's great for her! We are trying to expand her food list, so a nutritionist gave us tips on what to add to give her a well-rounded diet. Hopefully, she will start eating what we are eating (in purée form) soon enough.